• Grey Google+ Icon
  • Grey Twitter Icon
  • Grey LinkedIn Icon
  • Grey Facebook Icon

Pure  Life Recovery

RECOVERY | GROWTH | LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS

December 7, 2019

I hate this old photo.

A life-long friend tagged me in it on Facebook last week. When I opened it up in my browser there was not one ounce of me that looked back at this moment fondly.

It wasn't my date that I dreaded seeing again. I didn't have one that day.

It wasn't my dress. While it was honestly too big for my pre-pubescent body, I was proud to wear it as I had been honored to have also worn it in my big brother's spring wedding. I mean really, seafoam green was a hot color at 80’s formals. Judging from this picture, so was baby powder blue.

That's me.

Behind the focus of the lens. Standing alone in the middle of...nothing.

I hated my height. I hated my braces. I hated my big feet. I hated my skinny legs. I hated my flat chest. I hated...

December 7, 2019

Lately I’ve been crying. 

A lot. 

Frequently in my car while I am driving to my office. The always remarkable Montana sunrise plentiful in shades of pink and purple can conjure the waterworks, as do the unbelievable mountain vistas. 

Melodious tunes mingled with emotion summon unconscious tears. Occasionally I will choose a local Christian station for inspiration to carry me through my workday. Most recently, as I build our wedding playlist, it is not without a box of tissues handy. 

The drops of pride flow when I joyfully grasp the progress my kids and I have made since one day 5 ½ years ago when death became more appealing than life. The months prior to my emotional demise were abundant with turmoil, depression, anxiety, rage and a notab...

September 24, 2018

The contrast.

I splurged with some birthday money today and bought a pair of shoes. Not just any duo; sensible footwear that will help me navigate the trails and trials of living sober.

A few points come to mind: 

1. Not so long ago, that birthday money would have been squandered on a few boxes of wine.

2. I have always claimed to be clumsy, no doubt when I consider the height of those hootchie heels and my alcohol consumption; the tip over ratio was high.

3. My priorities have taken a serious shift. I bought those old heels to look spicy (Oh my hell...) when I got all gussied up and went out on the town.

The truth is, I was an isolation drinker and any visions of going out did not come to fruition. Fact is, I do get out now. Outside. I...

June 5, 2018

Last week I started writing my annual thoughts about this year’s soberversary. The theme, “Something Happened” remains a great blog subject, which I may expand upon at some point. My thoughts, which started as an attempt at inspiration, morphed into another woeful rendition about the demise of my drinking days.

I’m over it.

Frankly, I am tired of regurgitating that pitiful, yet crucial shift in my life; the final weeks, days, and hours leading to that fateful day I hit bottom. I just don’t feel like going there this year.

I am not, by any means, discrediting those moments of desperation, as they led me to monumental transition. The necessary circumstances that would initiate my ongoing spiritual evolution.  

The past few weeks have...

January 8, 2018

Each Saturday night I attend an AA speaker meeting at our local fellowship hall. This week, our speaker wove a tale that at times seemed unbelieveable. Yet, sitting in a room full of recovering alcoholics and addicts, we shared laughs at the stories that are more common in our world, than that of "normie." Arrests, abandonment, institutions, hospitals, bottoms...and eventually, recovery and an authentic life. 

This particular speaker closed his hour with the following words: 

Hello, I am your disease. 

I hate meetings...I hate higher powers...I hate anyone who has a program.

To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction.

I am cunning, baffling, an...

November 29, 2017

This is the time of year when my sobriety, the mere fact that I no longer drink, materializes as an indisputable miracle.

Last weekend my daughters and I heaved our traditional Christmas decor out of the garage. Many of these old items are not making the cut this year (longer blog post about detachment coming soon). However, my santa collection is a tradition that I hold dear and will continue to adorn my hearth for years to come.

My mom started this accumulation for me after a few years of traveling the world. On my birthday in 1999 her gift to me was a box full of santas. From places I will likely never travel to; Germany, Thailand, Estonia, to name a few. Through the years, my collection has grown to include a more domestic variety of...

September 11, 2017

Choice.

noun \ˈchȯis\

1:  the act of choosing :  selection finding it hard to make a choice

2:  power of choosing :  option you have no choice

I read an excerpt of an article online last week about addiction being a “choice.” It was the opinion of the writer that habitual drug and alcohol users simply have to make the choice to cease using. Suggesting that addicts can quit as easily as we initially indulged.

Free will. Choice. Power. Just use it. Right?

Such is not the case, my friends.

Recently I received an email from Penzu, a private online journaling platform. In 2013-2014 I made a few complacent entries into this virtual diary. I was struggling back then, in the vigorous grip of active alcoholism. Never sober.

Merely surviving;...

September 4, 2017

F-E-A-R

Fuck Everything and Run or...

Face Everything and Recover.

These days, I am learning to embrace the kinder, gentler option. So begins my blog series on fear. When I sat down this week to formulate what was to be a single blog post, I sensed instead that I could write an entire book about this proposition. Paragraphs were twisting and turning, weaving through my archived sorrows and missed opportunities; a result of mostly irrational panic.

In early 2017, the dutiful team at Facebook sent me a video recap of my life in 2016.

It was boring. Anticlimactic.

Besides the active lives of my children, my own stitched together images lacked depth. Most of the slideshow was simply me looking sassy in one of my cherished hats. Or, feeling parti...

June 29, 2017

I suddenly find myself three years sober. I've been contemplating how to write about this milestone for weeks. Recently distracted and shamelessly overwhelmed with life events, to a degree that I actually did not over analyze this past year in recovery. It just "happened." Odd how the days amass when conducting myself like a palpable, functioning adult.

Life evolved this year. My godmother died. I said my final farewell to my amazing dad. I went through a tumultuous and extended break up; my first one sober. My eldest daughter graduated from high school, while we opted to pull my youngest daughter out of public school to embark on a home school scenario. Most recently, I resigned from a reliable job to engage in this new, unfamiliar pat...

May 25, 2017

I am approaching three years of sobriety. Recently, I have been distracted enough to not consider the convoluted emotions which typically accompany my sobriety date.

Not a day goes by when I am not authentically grateful for the disease of alcoholism; along with the unexpected gifts in recovery.

Lately my world has been in a constant state of cerebral dysfunction, with the long overdue separation of my youngest daughter and the societal expectation of public school.

Meanwhile, I feel I cannot possibly take on another role, yet find myself with three new sponsees. What in THE hell is my HP thinking? Does the universe not SEE that I am falling on my ass on a daily basis? My OWN ass. How do I have the mental capacity to guide three adult-typ...

Please reload

Sign Up

AND STAY UPDATED!
Kellie Ideson
Recovery Warrior, Mom, Realtor, Marketing Guru, Wellness Advocate, Budding Writer

I'm a sober mom in recovery for life, often moments or minutes at a time. This metamorphosis is an ongoing adventure full of adjustments, patience, and a lot of leaning into life. Learning each day, using my voice to harness my life power. 

RECENT POSTS

December 7, 2019

December 7, 2019

September 24, 2018

June 5, 2018

November 29, 2017

September 11, 2017

September 4, 2017

June 29, 2017

May 25, 2017

May 12, 2017

April 30, 2017

April 17, 2017

April 10, 2017

April 1, 2017

February 13, 2017

July 5, 2016

April 16, 2016

August 31, 2015

July 29, 2015

July 3, 2015

June 9, 2015

Please reload